I had to go to Casualty last night

It was in a place called Holby,

All the usual gang was there,

Charlie, still not retired

Duffy, remember her?

Megan, you know the one, she

Used to clean up all the vomit

And was the only one who wore a green uniform

She was Daniel Day-Lewis’ mum

In that film about a left foot

As I entered the building, this chap

Who was once in The Bill

Can’t remember his name, the actors name, not the character,

He was doing some scaffolding work outside

He shouted down in a jolly fashion,

I’ve never done this type of work before, but

I’m sure it will be fine!

One of the boards looked very loose

Later the scaffolder was admitted into Casualty,

He had impaled himself with a scaffolding pole,

Duffy called the doctor in,

That looks nasty the doctor said,

I think we should try to remove it

Charlie intervened, his years of acting experience coming to the fore,

I don’t think we should do that he said, you could kill him,

He used that furrowed eye rolling expression

Which everyone knew meant Charlie was right again

Charlie phoned an off screen Consultant and

Sorted it in a jiffy

The doctor huffed a bit and left in a mood

To go and work in rep theatre

Charlie, Duffy and the scaffolder had a mini celebration

The scaffolder ended up vomiting everywhere

Megan cleaned it up